DEAR LEFTY
10.24.12
Lefty Pitts (right)
Dear Lefty,
Hey big guy. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumor around the yard and I’m here to break the news to you that it is, in fact, true. Next week your partner in crime, your backup when you’re not feeling 100%, the yin to your yang, is going to a new home; a really awesome new home too. This leaves you with the sole responsibility that you used to share with Righty for the next 40-50 years. (Probably less if we keep driving the way we do.) But don’t worry, you’ll get bigger and stronger as you get used to the increased workload. Before you start complaining that no one else has ever had to endure what you’re about to, don’t. There are over 6,000 kidneys separated from each other every year in the US and the majority of the ones left pulling double duty do perfectly fine on their own. As a matter of fact, I believe they actually enjoy the independence and freedom to be creative. No more nagging...“pick up the dry cleaning,” “wash the car,” “YOU fill the bladder tonight” sorta stuff. And don’t forget that there are many who have never had a functioning partner and don’t know what it’s like to have shared that responsibility.
You’ve had it easy for half of your life and now it’s time to step up to the plate and be the kid I’ve always known you were. The rest of the gang inside will be counting on you to give it your all to make sure everyone stays healthy and strong. The great news is that we get to try out some hypnotic drugs while we’re both recovering so we can act the fool – on purpose – and no one will be the wiser. It’s like passing gas next to your brother and letting him take the fall because you’d “never do something like that.” Not that I’ve ever done something like that.
Here’s hoping…
....we get to wear the backless hospital gown so we can cruise through the halls showing off our goodies and give everyone at Stanford a show straight from Vegas. I wonder how much action we’ll get when paired with our new leopard-print fuzzy slippers. MEOW!
…we get to eat lots of ice cream as we both recover. Wait. Never mind. That is for tonsillitis. But I’m certain there ARE healing effects to chocolate ice cream. I always feel awesome after I eat it.
…we feel good enough on Halloween to eat some candy – and maybe play a little prank here and there. Mom told me my idea of using fake blood in the hospital probably won’t go off too well but I think it’d be hilarious. The only caveat we should consider is that after our 3-4 day stint in recovery, they’d likely send us to another place to mentally recover (with doors that lock from the outside, wearing one of those cute white coats where we get to hug ourselves all day.)
…you get bigger and stronger every day. There will be plenty of extra space to grow (and, no dad, they don’t stuff newspaper in the hole. Packing peanuts probably.)
…you feel like running around and getting out and about very soon. Yoga is going to feel great after laying around for weeks on end.
…we get out on the slopes as soon as possible. Murphy’s Law – it’s going to snow a ton before Christmas this year (the first time in for-freaking-ever) because we can’t go. But I have a heliboarding trip planned for us in February so we need to log a few mini trips in January to build up our stamina and leg muscles and those body parts worked when we wreck into a tree.
Well lefty...it’s you and me against the world. I promise to stay as healthy as I can and drink lots of water. If the one soda I drink a week gets too much for you just let me know. Send me an e-mail or something. I’m pretty busy these days.
I look forward to a long, healthy and happy life with just the two of us.
....we get to wear the backless hospital gown so we can cruise through the halls showing off our goodies and give everyone at Stanford a show straight from Vegas. I wonder how much action we’ll get when paired with our new leopard-print fuzzy slippers. MEOW!
…we get to eat lots of ice cream as we both recover. Wait. Never mind. That is for tonsillitis. But I’m certain there ARE healing effects to chocolate ice cream. I always feel awesome after I eat it.
…we feel good enough on Halloween to eat some candy – and maybe play a little prank here and there. Mom told me my idea of using fake blood in the hospital probably won’t go off too well but I think it’d be hilarious. The only caveat we should consider is that after our 3-4 day stint in recovery, they’d likely send us to another place to mentally recover (with doors that lock from the outside, wearing one of those cute white coats where we get to hug ourselves all day.)
…you get bigger and stronger every day. There will be plenty of extra space to grow (and, no dad, they don’t stuff newspaper in the hole. Packing peanuts probably.)
…you feel like running around and getting out and about very soon. Yoga is going to feel great after laying around for weeks on end.
…we get out on the slopes as soon as possible. Murphy’s Law – it’s going to snow a ton before Christmas this year (the first time in for-freaking-ever) because we can’t go. But I have a heliboarding trip planned for us in February so we need to log a few mini trips in January to build up our stamina and leg muscles and those body parts worked when we wreck into a tree.
Well lefty...it’s you and me against the world. I promise to stay as healthy as I can and drink lots of water. If the one soda I drink a week gets too much for you just let me know. Send me an e-mail or something. I’m pretty busy these days.
I look forward to a long, healthy and happy life with just the two of us.
Love,
Me
Me
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